it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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