I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
