I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
