i just had sex bonerless
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
