So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
