Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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