We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
