I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
