Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
