I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
