Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
