If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You were trust falling into bushes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
