Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk is not a location!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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