hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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