My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
