Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My liver just had a heart attack.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
