Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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