So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
