your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
