is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
