u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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