shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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