Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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