Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
