if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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