...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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