I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
