I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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