We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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