I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
