How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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