check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
