Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There r osticjed everywhere
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
