3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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