How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
