i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
