T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
