remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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