the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
