Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
