my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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