I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
