Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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