Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think my vagina is haunted
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
