quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
