Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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