I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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