you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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