So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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