ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
