Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
