Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
