I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
