I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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