The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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