do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
