you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
