he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
