I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
