he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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