I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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