theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
