I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
