Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
