It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
