I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Never underestimate the power of titties
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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