We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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