im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
