Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
