a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
