Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
