I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
