As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
