I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize