He had one of those small greek statue penises
operation have a gay friend backfired
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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