What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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