so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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