Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
