im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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