Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
