his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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