I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
